I was making the mistake last night of having a conversation with myself. While that may not be bad all the time, last night it was. I was thinking about the lease on a building, my classes, the increased workload on my job, the roof, the oil change, Elijah’s graduation, my class reunion, and my desire to relocate to Georgia. SLC and I were talking about some of these things; primarily those that need to be taken care of this week. I told myself, “You can handle it. You’re just overwhelmed.” I immediately heard Psalm 61:2; the second part that says, “When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.”
Just between you and I, I’m a pretty smart guy. I am very resourceful. Need something fixed? I can do it, even if I have never done it before. I’m a man’s man. I don’t like taking about what’s broke, I like fixing it. This smartadicity (new word I just made up) is my biggest problem, and it was my biggest problem last night.
I mean if I am overwhelmed obviously all my intelligence and resourcefulness is not enough to get me the peace I need. Telling me I can handle it was a somewhat delusional statement when made without acknowledging my dependence on God. In fact I am now convinced God allows some crap to take place things not too work out as planned when my smart self plans without praying and acknowledging him.
So as I hear this familiar scripture again, for the first time, I think I understand it a little bit better.
It starts, “From the end of the earth I will cry to You”, meaning know matter where I go, or how high I get I will always acknowledge your role in getting me there and keeping me there.
Next it says, “When my heart is overwhelmed”. Heart actually means and includes mind, so as smart as I think I am, I will reach a point of mental futility equivalent to brain freeze, which can lead to mental and physical exhaustion.
Finally, “Lead me to the rock that is higher than I”. Jesus said to Simon, “thou art Peter”. Peter means small stone. Thou art ___________, a small stone. Then Jesus said, “Upon this Rock I will build my church.” This rock is not a small stone, but a Bedrock or a large foundational stone that you can build on.
So when my small stone of a mind has exhausted all of its resources, remind and lead me to the ultimate source of all peace; the foundation upon which my faith, hope and life is built.
Now I know what they meant when I was a child when they said, “You know Too Much”.
Thank God now I know Him.
See y’all real soon.